let heaven come.

Yours is Glory forever, Amen!

in this season. i am thankful.

It's been a few weeks since I've been back from New York. There have been times where I wanted to pick up my life and move there. Not because I don't like where I'm at but because I admire the simplicity of living in such a small space focusing on meeting people and sharing life with them. 

But, I realize that I can do the exact same thing where I'm currently living. 

It's exciting and I am blessed. 

I've been fortunate enough to travel back and forth from GP to the denton and I have made some new friends. Some, I've known for awhile but have grown close to and some I've just met. It's been fun. I am thankful for them and the laughs and conversations we have shared together. 

Switching gears... 

Because God has protected me and turned my eyes towards Him, I have been focusing on growing close with Him and only Him. I have been focusing on keeping my body a Holy Temple.

Healthy. Right. The way it's created to be. Yeah, I still eat like a normal person eats but I am adding and taking different things out of the regiment and quite frankly, i feel better and I have lost some lbs! That's always exciting.

 My discipline and self control is being persistent because of this life changing decision the Lord has convicted me of. 

For that I am forever thankful. 

He is protecting me. 

Psalm 32:7 
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah

build.

As I'm sitting here reflecting back on this trip, I can't help but to thank God for His presence. For His Faithfulness and guidance.
I am overwhelmed with Love.
Too many people that I got attached to. This is going to be a hard transition.
More to come.

Death could not.

We worshipped to this song on Sunday at the Brook Tab.

The same words over and over.

Absolutely beautiful.

This is how I celebrate freedom.

100% set free by my Savior Jesus.

halfway point.

We have reached a week into this trip! Wahoo, my legs are getting pretty tired but I am trucking through!
So much walking.
It feels like we've been busy finding people here but after a conversation I had with my team today, it felt like we just started because we still haven't found that man of peace which can be very discouraging at times and the work seems overwhelming.
But, this is not about me, my team or even the ministry here, it's about God: who He is, His Glory and His Kingdom. My heart has never been so broken for a people group more than it has for the people here in the city. I've said this before and I'll say it again, I have never prayed so much in my life than I have this past week. Everywhere we go, we are consistently praying.
What a beautiful display of Christ's love affecting our hearts.
And that leads into God's call for us to plant seeds. Being bold. Sharing Jesus. Sharing the testimonies that He has given us. Serving Him with pure and gentle hearts.
As much as we think we're planting, there's a warfare that is beyond our comprehension. But, I'm understanding more of those barriers thanks to this trip. And I'm realizing how much works needs to be done which starts through prayer.

This verse keeps coming up:

And He said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves." Luke 10:2

blessed days.

My days seemed to be longer than usual. Each day feels equivalent to three days. Although, we walk blocks and blocks, it seems like the people we are searching for aren't coming out. Sometimes, that can be disappointing but more disappointing to me is the number of screaming teen mothers yelling at their children. But, more so the number of teen mothers carrying around babies in strollers. Sometimes I wonder where the hope is but then I see a glimpse of that through a man who was sitting in the subway with a sleeping baby on his chest. I couldn't help but stare at the baby because he was precious. The man smiled and said that the baby was his grandson. He started rubbing the baby's head and it just instantly reminded me of God's love for us.

So to sum this all up: Even when it seems like there is nothing good in the world, there is a hope that comes from the love of Christ. And lastly, God likes the little things.

Mural in the subways. You don't find those things very often. 

Thank you for reminding that to me, Lord. 

in the mist of all this brokenness.

And He said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves." Luke 10:2

We went to the Bronx today to meet some friends. I was in for an unexpected reality check. The bronx is one of the roughest parts of town. It was composed of mainly hispanic and african american people. Besides the consistent smell of sewer, there were cars honking obnoxiously, people cursing and yelling at each other, teen moms strolling their babies around.  Even using the restroom was impossible. There was one bathroom in the whole community that was available and that was in the Wendy's near the subway station. You would have to purchase food in order to use their facility. I didn't realize how hard it was to use the bathroom, especially growing up in the suburbs where public restrooms are pretty sanitized and frequently in use for everyone. That was something I definitely take for granted at home.

Obviously, the neighborhood was very broken. The safety factor of this place wasn't even a factor. It was the immense feeling of a lost hope that is in bondage and held captive by societal standards. I felt as if I was standing in a dark room with one candle representing that tiny ounce of hope and new beginnings. I believe that the Lord does that for the goodness of who He is. To reel His people back to Himself.

I never prayed so much in my life.

That is definitely something I have gained through this experience.

Praise God.

Reliance on Him. Growing with Him.

Thank you for showing me the brokenness in this world so that I can rely on Your Spirit to bring light into this world. 


I love You, Jesus. 


There is hope.
We met our friend named Constancio and He is a believer and devout Christian. Born and raised in Mexico, he recently became a Christian along with his wife and kids about 4 years ago. When I first saw him standing behind the counter in his luggage store, I noticed this huge, sweet smile that painted across his face. It was humbling knowing that he lives in this tiny apartment with his wife and kids barely making it through. But his contentment with where he was filled by the joy that He had through the cross. When he began to speak about Jesus and how much God was doing in his life, I couldn't help but rejoice with him. His English is wonderful for somebody who didn't know a lick beforehand. I was impressed by what the Lord is doing and how He is using Constancio for the Kingdom and the depths of the people in that community that God has placed him in.

Quiet the inspiring story huh?

Totes.

Going to an african party late tomorrow afternoon.

M.  

I can't even.

I can't even begin to fathom the immense faithfulness of God. From the time I was born twenty two years ago to the moment that I sit here writing 22 years later I can proclaim that God has been with me every step of the way. He has placed me in a vietnamese family on purpose to demonstrate His grace upon my life. I see blueprints of plans and detours along the way but the whole time that I see that, I know that God is always by my side holding me in His merciful hands. Through my disobedience, pride, short comings, failures, mishaps, denials and brokenness, God has mended my heart to serve His Kingdom. He has given me undeserving blessings, gifts, abilities because He trusts me.
I am sitting here just thinking how hard it was for me to trust and put my faith into people because I never really thought that I needed help. Because of this, I never really had friends to talk to about my issues because I would always bottled them up. I am thankful that God has saved me from my own pride and gifted me with the need of a Savior.
He has knitted my life out perfectly. The way that He desires it to be is coming true right in front of my eyes. Through the events in my life, I can stand confirming to you that God has chosen me and has purpose for me. He never promised that it would be easy but He did promise that He would never leave. What's more reassuring than having the Creator of the Universe being by your side at all times?


Ephesians 5 
5 lhe predestined us1 for madoption as sons through Jesus Christ, naccording to the purpose of his will, 6 oto the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in pthe Beloved. 7 qIn him we have rredemptionsthrough his blood, tthe forgiveness of our trespasses, uaccording to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 vmaking known2 to us the mystery of his will, naccording to his purpose, which he wset forth in Christ 10 as a plan for xthe fullness of time, yto unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.


Finding your calling by yourself is hard, letting it go to God is a completely different picture. 
Will you take the chance? Are you ready for speed bumps and detours along the way? Are you willing to sacrifice?


ARE YOU WILLING TO LET GO? 


I am telling you right now that it is worth every ounce of your time, resources and energy because of this: 

I am made whole in Christ. 

His Purpose gives me fullness of Joy. 

revelation

Like a child, I tend to pout over things that I absolutely despite doing like making my bed, chores etc. My mom can testify to that! I am stubborn and if I don't like doing something your way, i'll resort to my way. I am out of control, disobedient and unleashed. Oh, did I  mention that I like to be in control of my life? I like to plan things and never follow through with them. Yup, that's me.

 But because of the love of my Savior Jesus dying on the cross for me, I can honestly say that I have a purpose in this broken world. I have purpose to live for a greater reason than I ever thought. HE has given me life, a fullness of joy and an abundant amount of love. I am beyond thankful that God has created me and has given me to serve His people. I didn't even realize how passionate I would be for teaching ESL to immigrants. Who would have known?
Oh, that's right.. God. My Heavenly Creator, Father, Majestic almighty, steadfast Lover God.
He knows my heart better than anybody and for that I can sit here proclaiming my contentment to my Lord and Savior.

Waiting for Him is a huge testimony to how real, how awesome He is.

I come writing this to you with a full heart filled with thankfulness.

The Steadfast Love of the Lord

33 hShout for joy in the Lord, O you righteous!

iPraise befits the upright.

2 Give thanks to the Lord with the jlyre;

make melody to him with jthe harp of kten strings!

3 Sing to him la new song;

play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.

4 For the word of the Lord is upright,

and all his work is done in mfaithfulness.

5 He nloves righteousness and justice;

othe earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord.

6 By pthe word of the Lord the heavens were made,

and by qthe breath of his mouth all rtheir host.

7 He gathers the waters of the sea as sa heap;

he tputs the deeps in storehouses.

8 Let all the earth fear the Lord;

let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!

9 For uhe spoke, and it came to be;

he commanded, and it stood firm.

10 The Lord vbrings the counsel of the nations to nothing;

he frustrates the plans of the peoples.

11 wThe counsel of the Lord stands forever,

the plans of his heart to all generations.

12 xBlessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,

the people whom he has ychosen as his heritage!

13 The Lord zlooks down from heaven;

he sees all the children of man;

14 from awhere he sits enthroned he blooks out

on all the inhabitants of the earth,

15 he who fashions the hearts of them all

and observes all their deeds.

16 cThe king is not saved by his great army;

a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.

17 dThe war horse is a false hope for salvation,

and by its great might it cannot rescue.

18 Behold, ethe eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,

fon those who hope in his steadfast love,

19 that he may gdeliver their soul from death

and keep them alive in hfamine.

20 Our soul iwaits for the Lord;

he is our jhelp and kour shield.

21 For our heart is lglad in him,

because we mtrust in his holy name.

22 Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,

even as we hope in you.

My precious friend Karakatu. 

bending down.

I just got back from a mission trip orientation.

This is the beginning of my journey to New York. As excited as I am, the Lord revealed many fears and anxieties that I had. But, I am in complete awe of God's grace and how He IS transforming me right now. He is breaking down my walls and stripping away my identity and personal desires for HIS. 

As I dig and read more of Jesus and His ministry, I can conclude that He scooped down to our level. 

1) He came down to us. A Holy, Righteous savior lived in this dirty, filthy world just like the rest of us. 

2) He healed. He rose. He loved. the poor, broken, unworthy. us. 

3) And most of all, He came just to make himself absolutely nothing to die on a cross for my sins and yours. 

4) He came to show us love but also to use us to show the rest of the world His Glory. 

I am realizing the depths and steps that it takes to serve the Almighty, Everlasting, Holy God. 

And you know what that is? 

As Katie Davis would say it.. bend down low. 

In other words, sacrifice. 
What do you need to sacrifice? 

To condense the list, I need to sacrifice who I am. 

I need live sacrificially. 

All for the sake of His Kingdom. 

Oh Lord, I need Your Spirit. Guide me and lead me and use me. 

closer to your heart

As I am drawing closer to Your heart, I am getting closer to finding contentment with who You have made me to be. 


I am beyond blessed to have a God who never gives up even when I want to have nothing to do with Him, when I fall short, when I fail.. He stands with arms wide open just waiting. 


This week, I have been going through 1 Peter. There is a reason that the Lord has pointed me to that scripture. He showed me characteristics of Himself through Peter's writing. As I am preparing to leave for New York for two weeks, God has been showing several things. 


1) When people question your faith, they are seeing the hope in you. Be prepared to do it in gentleness and respect. 


2) We can only have a good conscience from Jesus through the cross and His resurrection. 


3) I need to work on being more hospitable. 


4) If you are insulted for the name of Christ, You are blessed. His Spirit rests upon you. 


5) What you do and how you live are vital to the workings of the Kingdom. 


6) We will never fully understand who God is but we can grow closer to Him through Worship. 


Serve Him diligently and remember that He lives in you. 

looking ahead.

It's so amazing how time flies. This semester is almost over and that means I have one more semester left of college before I graduate with my first bachelors degree. I am so thankful for the time that God had me in Denton because I feel at home when I'm there. But, I have been praying and I think that God has called me to something bigger, out of my comfort zone and totally with kids. I LOVE working with kids. Who knew? 

Everybody around me has been asking me what my plans are for after graduation and to be honest I have no clue. Well, I have some clues that the Lord has slowly revealed to me in which I'm really excited for. These plans range from a) applying for teach for america, b) moving to Chicago to work with a church/with kids c) subbing d) find some sort of ministry internship to work with. Those are the plans right now. Do I think I'm going back to go to school at some point? God has laid that one my heart but I'm not quite sure what I would be studying. 

Lord, 

Thank you for changing my heart and opening my eyes to the needs of children. Thank you for using me and changing my perspective. You are awesome, faithful and everlasting. I trust you with all of my heart soul and mind. I am honored to be used by you. I am unworthy of your love. Thank you for your mercies and blessings. 

voices

Ray LaMontagne has the most beautiful voice.

You are the best thing may be my favorite song. 

What a fun song. 

Can't wait to dance to this song with hubs. 

One day : ) 

prayer

i will always be yours
i will wait more than the watchmen wait in the morning.
I will wait for You, Lord.

Desert Song.

Steady, stagnant, slow and dry. 

Everything you see, hear and read didn't seem to resonate like it did before.

And you just don't understand why it's happening because 

everything prior to this season seemed in sync. 

After I got back from New Orleans, I had a huge fall back in my walk with Jesus. At the moment, I really didn't understand why it was happening. I thought I was doing the right things by praying and reading my bible daily. But, my heart wasn't in the right place. I felt dry. I couldn't see. I was scorched in the hot sun, not being able to get a good sip of the Living Water. I didn't feel content where I was at with Him and I felt the need to want more than I could handle. My desires were not aligning with where God wanted me and I kept denying those desires to the point where I was lying to myself. I felt spiritually tired and I really just wanted to walk away during those times where I felt dirty and filthy because I know I had done wrong. As soon as I knew it, my wellspring didn't feel much of a spring, rather a quickly broken and dried up drought. 

I didn't feel close to God. 

I felt like a distant daughter to Him rather than His beloved. 

I didn't believe I could grow. I didn't think He wanted me to mature. 

Instead of running to, I was running away from Him. 

I was afraid of looking at Him in the eyes. 

Even though I was running away, He never left me. 

Instead He was waiting. 

Telling me that I am beautiful. 

Showing me His mercy and grace through His people. 

And then He said this: Meagan, I love You. Be mine. I want you to know me. Let's grow together. 

Let me water you. 

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5

The Lord is enthralled by your beauty. Psalm 45:11 

Above all else, guard your heart for it is the well spring of life. Proverbs 4:23

He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water. Psalm 107:34 

Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.  Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. Ezekiel 37:4-5

God is definitely stretching me in this season of my life. 

He wants me to thirst for Him. 

And I can honestly say that am content with that, no matter what life throws at me. 

He is worthy of all my Praise.