prayer

i will always be yours
i will wait more than the watchmen wait in the morning.
I will wait for You, Lord.

Desert Song.

Steady, stagnant, slow and dry. 

Everything you see, hear and read didn't seem to resonate like it did before.

And you just don't understand why it's happening because 

everything prior to this season seemed in sync. 

After I got back from New Orleans, I had a huge fall back in my walk with Jesus. At the moment, I really didn't understand why it was happening. I thought I was doing the right things by praying and reading my bible daily. But, my heart wasn't in the right place. I felt dry. I couldn't see. I was scorched in the hot sun, not being able to get a good sip of the Living Water. I didn't feel content where I was at with Him and I felt the need to want more than I could handle. My desires were not aligning with where God wanted me and I kept denying those desires to the point where I was lying to myself. I felt spiritually tired and I really just wanted to walk away during those times where I felt dirty and filthy because I know I had done wrong. As soon as I knew it, my wellspring didn't feel much of a spring, rather a quickly broken and dried up drought. 

I didn't feel close to God. 

I felt like a distant daughter to Him rather than His beloved. 

I didn't believe I could grow. I didn't think He wanted me to mature. 

Instead of running to, I was running away from Him. 

I was afraid of looking at Him in the eyes. 

Even though I was running away, He never left me. 

Instead He was waiting. 

Telling me that I am beautiful. 

Showing me His mercy and grace through His people. 

And then He said this: Meagan, I love You. Be mine. I want you to know me. Let's grow together. 

Let me water you. 

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5

The Lord is enthralled by your beauty. Psalm 45:11 

Above all else, guard your heart for it is the well spring of life. Proverbs 4:23

He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water. Psalm 107:34 

Then he said to me, “Prophesy over these bones, and say to them, O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord.  Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. Ezekiel 37:4-5

God is definitely stretching me in this season of my life. 

He wants me to thirst for Him. 

And I can honestly say that am content with that, no matter what life throws at me. 

He is worthy of all my Praise.